Dear, Baby Boy
There are several different experiences and narratives surrounding motherhood. Some experience loss, grief, and confusion. Some may see motherhood with a blurry or bittersweet lens due to a convoluted relationship with their mother. some mothers, themselves, find extreme disappointment in the unmet expectations that arise when comparing themselves to the mother of their idealistic childhood. The list goes on and yet a person’s concept of motherhood is a deeply profound aspect of their life and the way that they love. This mother’s day I hope you are making peace with your very own concept and finding beauty to celebrate in: your own mother, the mothers around you, and perhaps the mother that you are.
a beautifully creative woman and soon to be mother, Emily Smith, shared a letter she wrote to the baby boy growing inside her. Although this letter is written from just one of the many different lenses, it is a precious depiction of the nature of motherhood. She has a space called Living Simply Emily. That has a whole host of great content as well!
Thank you Emily!
My sweet little one,
Even as I start this letter, it feels as if there aren’t enough words in the world to express just how much you already mean to me. Over the past eight months, you have miraculously grown inside of me, making my body and my heart your home, and I can already say with utmost confidence that you have forever changed me. The very first moment you were made known to me, I knew that I loved you, but I never couldʼve imagined just how much.
I've always wanted to be a mom, ever since I was a little girl. I have passions and dreams and goals, but the end goal was always to be a wife and a mom, /and suddenly, here we are...a family of three. In just a few short weeks, Iʼm going to see your sweet face for the very first time, not to mention, kiss your luscious baby lips and smell your fresh babe smell. When youʼre finally old enough to read this, Iʼm sure youʼll think Iʼm crazy and totally embarrassing for saying so, but one day, youʼll understand...just like my mom told me I would. So much has been on my heart with your fast-approaching arrival. First off, how are we, two totally imperfect human beings, going to pull off raising this gift of a child? What will his personality be like? Is there a way for us to keep him from harm all the days of his life? What age should we let him start dating? Surely heʼll think weʼre the bomb forever right? Weʼre cool parents...arenʼt we? What if we make a mistake? And so on and so forth...just an endless string of questions that Iʼm sure wonʼt all be answered the second youʼre born.
But with these questions comes the beautiful reality that we cannot do this on our own, which leads me to my favorite part of life with you so far. Your very nature of growing inside of me has made me so aware of my desperate need for Jesus. With every kick, I am reminded of the beautiful, steadfast innocence you now possess. I am clothed with this fierce protectiveness over it and am simultaneously given the revelation that this must be how our sweet Lord looks at me...with loving longing and fierce protectiveness. I have never felt so drawn to just sit at the feet of Jesus, praying that He equip me to love you like He loves me. I know that innocence doesnʼt last forever, for there is a world out there thatʼs very intention is to rid you of it, and I pray and believe that the Lord will use you as a mighty warrior to win over those who feel like they've lost theirs. But, with that said, here is my ultimate desire and prayer for you...that as your blessing of a life opens my heart to Godʼs love, that your dad and I would love you and guide you in such a way that would move your heart to the same place.
Your dad and I have lived in this world. We have made our very fair share of mistakes, we have wandered from faith, we have been stubborn, and if we could
keep you from doing the same, we would lay down our lives to do so. But these places of darkness, of desperation, of loss of innocence, these were the places where we were seen and pursued by Grace, the places that made us who we are today, the places that eventually led us to you. The Lord has a unique, perfect, heart-shattering way of making broken beautiful, and you, my sweet baby boy, are the beautiful in our story.
I guess thatʼs what my heart longs to ultimately say to you in this letter, that you are our son, who is fearfully and wonderfully made and pursued by a Maker who will love you far better than we ever could, but who has prepared us to love you by loving us first. You are our sweetest gift, little man, and we will forever be here to cover you with the same grace that we have at this very moment for you as this miracle growing inside me at this very moment.
Goodness how I love you.
Love, Mama
